McDonalds on NW Military and West Avenue

McDonalds could very well have the best business model ever in the history of the world.

Can you imagine any other business that could withstand the number of frivolous lawsuits and scientific "proof chasers" looking to besmirch any and all things good about it?  Hell, there was even a movie documenting the boneheaded journey of a guy submitting himself to eating nothing but their food for a whole month!  Morgan Spurlock did a bang up job on that movie (at some points even dragging McDonalds' name through the mud), and McDonalds quivered in their boots... all the way to the bank.

Look: fast food isn't addictive because of its ingredients.  It's addictive because people are inherently lazy and cheap.  They don't want to prep, cook, and clean every night, and they don't want to shell out the dough for a multi-course restaurant meal.

And then they have the temerity to bad-mouth the establishments that feed them an ENTIRE MEAL in a minute-and-a-half?

Jeebus.  You mouth breathers need to learn a little discipline and personal accountability.

**Steps off box marked 'Irish Spring.'  The blue kind...**


Where were we?  Ah, yes: the Men's Room at the McDonalds on NW Military and West Avenue...

If I didn't tell you this was a McDonalds Men's Room, I guarantee you'd think I took these pictures at an airport.  Or on the Death Star.  It's VERY business like, and not meant for "sitters" who think they can catch up on the daily crossword.

Apparently, much 'Cuidado,' because that 'Piso' is very 'Mojado.'

Look at this.  Seriously: take it in.  It's unwelcoming, and if you stare at it long enough, you can actually hear your flight leaving without you.

Velcome.

I know I try to get you a picture of the view when you first walk in, but there was somebody in there, and I must protect the innocent.  (Plus, if it went down, he could have easily taken me.)  At any rate, here's the hand dryer and changing station.  Props to McDonalds for knowing their market, but I implore you to place your soiled little one onto anything stainless steel.  Go ahead - watch what happens as it sprawls out over bone-chilling frigidity.

However, with a little creativity, you can tilt the blower's vents toward the table, turn it on, and let the table warm up a bit.  You know, while you're holding a screaming baby with a befouled diaper in a crowded establishment.  No pressure...  (And that yellow you see on the changing table is not a stain, but a reflection of the cone in front of it.)

Just aim for Cobra Commander's mask, son.

Father-Son urinals with auto-flush.  Exceptionally clean.  Now, whether that's due to the auto-flush feature, or the men's room being so uninviting people seldom go in is anyone's guess.

Work Station Zebra

Actually, this was the highlight of the pit stop.  It was very clean, and the motion sensor wasn't overly sensitive (I hand-tested it.  Relax.)  But to your left:

That's a lotta lock for toilet paper!

A manhole cover on the wall.  The good part was that there was plenty of toilet paper in there, but how much protection did it need?  Is that where they store their petty cash?

Your view

And here's the door to the stall, from the inside.  More a panic room than a typical stall, take note of two things: one, the handle.  It's welded to the door, and has a real bolt lock device on it.  A DEA agent couldn't get in there without first tossing over a flash grenade to blind you.  Next, take a look at the door - look really closely.  It looks like someone was trapped in here!  All those scratches... you know how hard it is to scratch stainless steel???  Whoever did this was on a mission, man.  To get out, or make sure people following knew another guy's girlfriend was easy, I don't know...

Three pucks out of five.  It was cold and unwelcoming, yes, but incredibly clean without smelling like bleach, and very secure.

Very, very secure.