Quiznos at 5231 Broadway (Inside Broadway Commons)

Find me a man who doesn't like sandwiches, and I'll tell you you've found a man who hates puppies.  

Sandwiches are the perfect food: fast, healthy, and transportable.  And, like a drunk schizophrenic waiving a shotgun, they are completely unpredictable and complex.  While a sandwich's limitation lies only within the imagination of the person making it, simple two- and three-ingredient combinations still excite us most.  (I implore you: try a grilled cheese on toasted spelt bread and tell me it didn't rock your world.)   

They're also a great idea for restaurants, as they can be made quickly and sold at a pretty penny to people in a hurry looking to inhale all their food groups alongside a bag of chips and a cookie.  The markup on most sandwiches is borderline criminal, but hey: it's cheaper and healthier than pizza or Chinese takeout, and nothing beats the smell of freshly-baked bread.  

So, has this Quiznos put some of that markup toward the upkeep of their Men’s Room?

Men's Room, or Schneider's office?

For starters, they've made a beautiful Men's Room entrance, though it was unmarked.  Only through the power of deduction was I able to calculate the risk of going through a door that could very well have been a Janitor's closet.  And we all know what's hiding in the Janitor's closet: dirty mop buckets and broken dreams.  (Or is it "broken mop buckets and dirty dreams?"  I get confused...)

They really let it all hang out here...

Meh, not bad, I guess.  It was clean, and white.  Stark white.  Though, I could have done without the open trash can and hobo toothbrush out there for all the world to see.  And don’t worry: the bar behind the toilet had a cousin catty corner to it to help people get up from the seat.  Although, unless the one you see here is the backup bar, I can’t imagine why on Earth they’d need this thing here.  You’d need to be a double-jointed gymnast to use it.

Hey.  How's it hangin'?

It looks a little skewed, yes, but the TP was at an angle in the roll, and I felt this piece would be more organic if I left it untouched.  (It did, however, drive me crazy the whole time I was in there.)  What you're seeing is excess paper from the top roll, HIDING THE ROLL BENEATH IT.  Double-ply and double-stacked, this simple-looking TP dispenser was ready for battle.

"A quarter of an inch is like a thousand degrees..." - Jerry Seinfeld

Very German: clean and efficient.  It got hot quickly, and there was plenty of liquid soap in the small wall container.

Georgia Pa... Georgia Pa... ah, Hell with it.

Loaded, just the way I like them.  Outside of the label peeling off, no real complaints here; the hand crank was easy to operate with my elbow, and each push yielded good amounts of paper.  Granted, it takes about twenty feet of these paper towels to dry your hands, but quit complaining: that’s why God gave you pants.

Four pucks out of five.  The Men's Room was clean and well-stocked, the lone major setback being that the door wasn't even marked.  That, and unless you are Shameless McGee, you should probably buy something while there; toilets are for paying customers.