Liberty Bar on 1111 S. Alamo

Look: you're not always traveling when you need a Men's Room, right?  Sometimes you're Downtown taking in the sights... doing your best to not make eye contact with the "eclectic" group of people waiting at the bus stop.

Ugh.  Bus stops.  In the melting pot of cultures that is San Antonio, Downtown bus stops are certainly our fond.

While we're on bus stops, Biga on the Banks has the WORST bus stop in America.  Sitting in front of this wonderful restaurant's entrance is a bus stop half a block long and packed 24-hours a day.  Anthropologists could save a ton of money by setting up camp on St. Mary's instead of flying all the way to the rainforest to study the Yanomami; they could see everything from priests to hookers to six-year-olds roaming around without their parents frequenting that place.

And, for some reason, a guy wearing a wifebeater, chinos, and a neck tat having a chin-up contest with himself.  Does he ever go anywhere?  'Cuz it seems like that bus stop's his Venice Beach.

The point is, sometimes you're out doing other things when you need to hit the head.  In fact, a good Men's Room can be imperative to decisions on where to spend time eating and drinking with friends.  No one likes having fun at a crowded bar where the Men's Room fits two... and you're touching.  (Lookin' at you, Thursty Turtle!)

Which brings us to the Men's Room at Liberty Bar.

Located at 1111 S. Alamo Street, Liberty Bar has great food and a surprisingly good beer selection, so it seemed like the perfect candidate for a San Antonio Men's Room Review.

In front of me: the door.  Behind me, a 20-ft drop.

The door is beautiful - look at that wood!  It's got a finish on it that gives it this sexy sheen, this "you-lookin'-for-me,-big-boy?" kind of thing.  Granted, it may have just been the four pints of Guinness and the nearly vertical stairwell I had to climb to get up to it talking, but I have some very fond memories of this entryway.

One day, Middle Square, you will grow big like your brothers.

Mmm.  Antique-y.  You don't see too many square sinks around, so the look of it is kind of cool, but you have to get used to the knobs - they don't face up like the typical sink, they face out, like the spout for a garden hose.  Out of the ordinary, yes, but look at it this way: all that foosball you played will finally pay real dividends.  And please: quell the instinct to jam the handle back toward the wall, would you?  Some unsuspecting diner on the other side might scream, forgetting (of course) that the bar stops RIGHT before it inflicts any real damage.

"Tell me where the money is!!"

You can't really tell here, but this is just a compact fluorescent bulb hanging from a pendant attached to the ceiling.  That's it.  Loose on the mount, it actually swung a little.  This must be where they bring people in for questioning.

Urinals so clean, you could eat... in the vicinity of them.

A crowded bar / restaurant in Downtown San Antonio after midnight and NO cigarette butts or gum to shoot at?  How nice is that?  Not even a tobacco packet in there!  What an awesome urinal sta...

"Sure!  Go ahead and leave!  One day people will BEG to hang my masterpieces... above their urinals."

AAAAHHH!!  Avert your eyes!  Avert  your eyes!

God FORBID a San Antonio artist would paint something worth a damn.  Look at this thing!  What..?  Why..?  And above the urinals?  Put a sports page up there!  A stock ticker!  A tic-tac-toe board!  Anything - ANYTHING - but this!  You leave the Men's Room with the shakes thanks to this...

Add some canned goods and this shelter's DONE.

To the untrained eye, this looks like just another loo.  But if you look closely, you'll see that THIS IS HOW YOU STOCK TOILET PAPER.  See?  No TP strewn about, no muss, no fuss - have it in there!  And it's two-ply because Liberty Bar CARES!

<Fist in the air>  Liberty on, Liberty Bar.  Liberty on...

This is a GREAT San Antonio Men's Room, so much so that other places Downtown - and everywhere else - should take note.  The only two knocks on this place are that atrocity hanging above the urinals, and that they only have one toilet.  I guess Management knows that if they put that painting where it belonged, there'd be no place for anyone to sit.

Four pucks out of five.